nice-guys-finish-last-or-not-at-all

You hear it all the time  – “He was such a NICE guy, and she’s such a heartless bitch for dumping him.”

I share and get stories from self-professed Nice Guys and also undeclared Nice Guys. And also most importantly, from the girls who dated or went steady with Nice Guys. These are real stories. Based on all reality and no fiction involved. Based on what is happening around me and to the people whom I knew over the years.

These Nice Guys, its always the same with them. They were always complaining that women WANTED to be treated like shit or badly and they do not like a good and sincere guy . . Sounds pretty stupid to me that they (the Nice Guys) could even use that as an excuse but to be honest, I wanted to know how they could actually come to that conclusion or observation. S

o I observe and notice . . the behavior, the patterns, the situations, the stories. That’s right, I have nothing better to do. But I’m intrigued. So I opened the door to my own self discovery. What you gonna read next maybe will amuse you or maybe upset you but its all from my own thoughts and observation. You may not agree 100% or hate me but who cares anyway. So read on.

I think its their (the Nice Guys) own fault at the end of the day. That’s right peeps. These guys spoil their own fucking market. And the best part is, they dun even know it. Or in proper words, they dun even realize it.

Because I think, THEY, the “Nice Guys” have failed repeatedly in relationships and they do not know who to point the finger to. But this is akin to the false logic that “Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea”.

Don’t Get Me ??

In other words, if you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it. But what’s exactly wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys are hideously insecure. Most of them.

They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for others to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simple pleasure of giving. Ladies, you never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has stuck onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity — a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are “users”, women who are just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. “Users” home-in on “Nice Guys”, stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on, leaving the Nice Guys pretty pissed off.

It’s no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, and kept saying they are no good woman left in this world when so often the kind of woman that they get attracted to is not their type, so they went on to find decent girls.

But self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find “Nice Guys” to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure. And these qualities are a turn off for these girls. So, the “Nice Guys” then go overboard. They bring roses to a “lets get together for coffee” date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things.

These dudes think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be “friends”, in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a “date”.

Pathetic? Nope. It happens all the time peeps. I myself fell for it too.

So, these Nice Guys are so desperate to please, that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her.  Now that’s pathetic.

Dudes, we are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be — not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them, so what where you guys thinking ? It Gets Worse. They cling to her, and want to be the “one” with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else.

A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him. But Ladies, boys will always be boys. And men will always be men. Put a group of men together and they’ll all turn to boys in a split second. That the reality. Women should understand that. But that’s another topic which I’ll write soon hopefully.

Ok, back to the story. And Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it’s being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is that they want, need and expect from the woman. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of compromising and negotiating, they repeatedly “give in”.

When she doesn’t appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, “Everything I did, I did for her.”, as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn’t want a martyr. Ok, I admit – kinda extreme to compare with martyrs. But dudes, all she really want is an equal, caring, adult partner who just loved her as she is.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that “no one will ever love her as much as I do.” Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, it became more of like a subtle, but nasty insult.

It is akin to saying to her: “You are a difficult person, and only I can ever truly love you, so be thankful I’m here.” And the Nice Guys always seem to have the need to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousy and fear.

The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue.

But love isn’t mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future.

The irony of it all is – Who would want to go out with someone who was inherently unlovable anyway? More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. “She is my Life, my only source of happiness”

Bluek, what kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip dude! Well, Its true that a girl will be all smiles if you use that kind of dialogue on her, but seriously, its kinda boring don’t you think, this kind of a tried and tested formula.

Dudes, you need to be original, not crispy (even though at KFC I do go for crispy chicken all the time, but this is different aitez)

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after “hard luck” cases. They deliberately pick women with stupid issues problems, ghetto problems, and personality disorders, because these Nice Guys wanted to be “helpers”. A Nice Guy thinks that by “helping” this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person.

He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. Well, trust me, He is usually disappointed by the results. I Repeat TRUST ME !!!

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys generally don’t like themselves. And they think of themselves as a failure . . Well, Is it any wonder why women don’t like them? Dudes, In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself.

And Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for “love”. Get this straight dudes. INSECURITY IN A GUY ISN’T SEXY. IT’S A TURNOFF. But you don’t have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. Or a male chauvinists pig.

You just have to LIKE yourself. In fact you just have to love yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Learn along the way. Bad experience and bad judgment will only make you better.

Not all are lucky. Some have to go through the hard way. And yes, believe in changes and believe in miracles. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship and lots of love is possible.

And when that happens, don’t forget to thank and say a prayer for me.

That’s all I ask.

C’mon, be NICE!

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