The term ‘Gentlemen’ sometimes make me sick, cringe and wanna puke.

Nope, this is not coming from a rockstar. In fact, I have taken a long break from posting Rockstar 101 simply because – I have stopped being and thinking like one. Or at least, I tried to. And honestly, I’m glad I did. But as a result, I ran out of ideas of what else to post for this segment anymore. This article though, is as close as it gets to this segment, that is why I reluctantly included it in. Or maybe it is the complete opposite of it.

I dunno, you decide.

The reason why I post the above picquote above and write that first line is not out of jealousy or hatred or even inferiority. Just a lesson learned and observed. For I have heard, seen and came across one too many instances and stories where gentlemen, romeos or even those seemingly ‘nice guys’ who potrayed themselves as religious and good, screwed up big time and showed the world their true colours over time, like what Lana Turner said above.

I shall not go into details as I believe you may also have heard or come across such people. People who you never thought can do bad things, for they have a cetain potrayal and aura of good naturedness about them that you thought was real. For to you, they are a gentleman and a nice guy. And as it turned out, they are not what you think they are.

Well, my parents, close friends, relatives and even female acquaintances have told me before that I am not quite the gentleman in their eyes as of yet. It’s ok, for I dont intend to be one, anyway. Not anytime soon. Cuz to me, just like love, the term has lost its true meaning.

One only needs to take a quick glance around to notice that there are very few true gentlemen remaining among us. In times past, a gentleman was much appreciated and being gentlemanly was a noble thing. Back then, guys did everything. For women, for themselves and for their family. They were displaying a true value as both a provider and a genuine good bloke.

Alas, things have change currently – some for the better and some for the worse, amidst the pre-rehearsed lines and routines of today’s society. In a world rife with corruption, crime, fidelity, cruelty, crisis, and all manner of other ungentlemanly actions, a gentleman’s life will be his biggest challenge where his gentlemanly actions go unnoticed and unappreciated by the masses and the thanks he receives scant reward for his grace.

That’s what I used to think also. But once I got into the real inner workings of society, right after my schooling days, I realise that being a gentleman these days is more or less about the persona you put on. To impress. To gain. To love. To feel. To deceit.

But no doubt, some things do remain the same – women always loved a gentleman. Wait, they actually love bad guys. But only if he is a knight in shining armor and a bit of a douche bag.

This is pretty absurd, really.

I don’t want to be a gentleman. I don’t want to be a douche bag. My identity should not be chained to some abstract ideal created by others.  If all my actions are decided based on societal norms and expectations, then I become less a man and more a machine.

Why be a gentleman? Because girls love them? If the goal of being a gentlemen to get the attention of women, that’s doesn’t seem very gentlemanlike. I also don’t want to be a jerk. One has to be deliberately mean. I can’t do that and sleep well at night and I like my sleep.

A slight aside – If a guy is too nice and always there for the girl that does a few things –

  • She can’t miss what is always there.
  • There is no way to increase the amount on attention when she really needs it.
  • Girls like a challenge.
  • It makes him look clingy.

So don’t be too nice. Some nice guys finish last and it may be the result of being too nice or too gentlemanly but probably also, it is also combination of things (but I guess it’s a statement that helps guys cope with losing a girl). And infinitely more importantly – I would almost equate the word ‘nice’ things to that of buying a girl an expensive gift so she will like you more.

Nope, you’re doing it wrong.
Be nice to be nice, not because you want to get something out of it.

I don’t want to be a gentleman – (Prepare for corniness) –  I want to be me and do things because I think they need to be done. I don’t want checklist of opening doors and bringing her food or cheesecakes when she is sick or craving it and asking her how her day was.

Those are nice things but that makes friendships/relationships more of a job than a flow of ideas and experiences and feelings. Rather than doing a set of actions, I want to create some joy or relieved some burden.

It may be argued that being a gentleman is doing the right thing. That seems too vague. Doing the right thing for who? Is the right thing universal or does it depend on culture and society norms? And even if it is simply doing the right thing, I would much rather do the wrong thing for the right reason, than doing the right thing for the wrong reason.

Perhaps you have deduced intent is important to me. But I think kindness is the best thing we can pursue. Kindness towards others, kindness towards ourselves.

If this is the definition of a gentleman, then perhaps I won’t mind being called one in future.