hmmmm

The funny thing with me is that whatever I am feelin’ tonight is not what I’m really gonna feel tommorow. Thats the sickest thing about me. I cant seem to make up my mind. My feelings change, following my mood.

Today i may like you but tmmrw i may not. Today i may think you’re talking sense but tmmrw i will say that you’re talking crap. Do not know why am i like that. Maybe its becoz i dont trust people. Or maybe cuz i dont trust myself ?

Yeah maybe. (For your info, according to researchers, the word “Maybe” is the 2nd most dangerous thought to think of. The first one is “What if”.

Those terms can actually make or break you as a person). Well, dont know how true is it.
Haha . . Btw here’s my randon thoughts that I felt tonight . . . =)

I have seen and heard of a lot of people who is deemed a loser or failure by society. Society kills us. Society puts expectations on us. And what we do is to play the game as to society’s wish. We conform . .

As much as I do not want to, I conform to some of society’s demands as well. And along the process, we actually lost the real person that we truly are. We put on a fake mask everyday to society’s demands. We give in.

By doing so, we tend to lose our sense of purpose and direction and instead focus on things that we need to settle as to what society wants us to. And when we cant keep up, we become unhappy or simply lose interest. We lose the real person that we are.

Then we become disillusioned and then thats exactly when society deemed you a loser. And when you’re a loser, you try so hard to untag urself from that label that it makes you having to trying to prove a point in whatever you did.

Well, people will sympathise with you, at least for the time being, and then, once they get tired of you, they leave you behind and cut you loose cuz you have nothing else to offer them, other then your plight and sad stories …. and then suddenly, you’re on your own …….Sad aint it ?

Everybody loves a winner, till the winners lose. Then its front page news . . And then another winner comes along, replaces the loser and becames evryone’s object of attention. The cycle goes on …..

Do you know that the yellow ribbon project is a campaign that will never really work or materialise, as hard as they can to make it happen ? …..Cuz people rarely gets second chances in life ….. society already judged them on the first failed attempt. They dont get fresh starts. Only when they bounce back and make a name for themselves, becomes a somebody, then society will look at them differently. Till then, they’re screwed . .

Thats why so many people out there live their lives on the safe side. Especially in Singapore. We have become scared and afraid of failure. Cuz failing means you’re screwed. So they just live life safely, go thru the motions and lead that kinda cycle their whole life. Nobody wanna take risks anymore. Why? . . Thats the question i have been askin myself all this while. I wish i knew . .

I am human. I make mistakes. Some small, some big, and some that only God can forgive me. They say that karma will come at you for all the wrongs you’ve done. What goes around, will come back around. I have already accept that fact.

I have already accepted the fact that i am not goin to get to enjoy some of the pleasure of life due my past wrongdoings. So if things dont work out for me somehow, i know why . . But i aint gonna sit and complain. I’m gonna gear up again and go head on for yet another try….. yup, i’m stubborn like that.

People always asked me why am i single? Am i choosy? Or shallow? Or maybe i’m scared of commitments. I aint gonna lie to u. To tell you the truth, its a mixture of the three. I aint the type of person who falls for someone easily. All my life i have always believed that you only fall in love once.

And after that you are never the same again…..But i kinda cheated . . cuz the truth is, I hav fallen in love twice my whole life . . Yeah only twice . . . but the second one was more of like a replacement for the first. I wont go into details . .

After the first one, It took me a long long tyme and numerous relationships and dates later, before i fall in love with the second . . But as they say, the original is always better . . Thats why when the second left, I really dont feel anything that much. Cuz I guess the first one already got my heart. You cant get cut with the same knife twice. The first cut’s the deepest.

Along the line, I actually had countless dates and women who truly liked me but I’m simply not interested. I just lost interest in them. A lot of them were actually pretty good lookin and pretty nice gerls, but i guess if you dont like means you dont like. There’s nothing you can do about it.

And I have no regrets at all. All this experience made me who i am today. The only regret i have is that, why is the timing always wrong ?? Cuz for a long time, and for so many countless times, I have always wanted to go in for the kill & tell the first one how i truly feel but the timing is always not right for me to say it, at least thats how i see it . .

I wont go into details also as why the timing’s really bad. Thats for me to know and for you to never find out . . But one thing’s for sure though, if i am the selfish type that think of myself more, I would have done it a long time ago. But i didnt. Cuz I’m not like that . .

Well, maybe i should have . . Sigh . . Yeah maybe i should have. Oh come on Emy, enuff with the “maybes” . . have to always remember, no more wishing aitez . . =)

Ok thats it …. I am sleepy. So please forgive me for my rants and nonsense which are a little ambigous at times. Its just a random thought on a sleepless night . . . But just like i mentioned above, what I feel right now may not what i may be feeling tommorow.

Cuz thats me . . =)

Btw . . i am kidding . .
Truth is, feelings never change, only people do . . =)

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